Girls night in.

Valuable Life Lessons Learned by Hosting My Own Birthday Party

As someone who has never really liked having a lot of attention on me I have never been one to celebrate myself.  If asked, I have always chosen a nice dinner out with my husband or whole family and my mom usually has a cake for me.   I have always tried my best to make sure my kids and others close to me enjoy special birthdays and have hosted many parties for them.  For my own birthday, I opted for a simple night at the house with snacks and cocktails.  This is a wonderful group of women so I knew the fun of hosting my own birthday party would come with no grand plan needed.

The Background


Party preparations

My day was spent driving my son around to and from his own events, cleaning my house and preparing food, but it was actually a very nice day of peaceful quiet time.   The day followed a sushi “date night” with just my two boys as my husband is out of town for work.  I highly recommend these date nights with the kids.  I truly enjoyed our night of sushi dinner and eating gelato outside as we walked by the beach.  It was perfect.  The day of the party my dad knew that I would be busy preparing, so he surprised me with stopping by to watch some of the Georgia game (both us are big Bulldog fans and usually watch the game together).  While I couldn’t sit and watch with him, it was so nice just to have him close and spend some time with him in the house with me.  He wouldn’t be attending the party, but would not let my birthday pass without seeing me, because he’s that kind of amazing dad.

The best part of my day was probably getting to spend some rare time with my14 year old in the kitchen helping me.  He is rarely a willing sous chef, but because it was my birthday (and I basically demanded his help haha), he did whatever I asked from rolling dough out and cutting squares for my spin dip bites and learning how to make “meat flowers” for the charcuterie board to getting my essential oil diffusers going and helping clean the kitchen behind me.  Even my 11 year old came in and helped a bit.  Best birthday moments ever to have both my boys in the kitchen with me and my dad nearby sampling the treats as the board got made

charcuterie board

Opting not to cook a meal, I let everyone know that I would serve apps and drinks and anyone who had a favorite they like to make was welcome to bring it to share.  I made homemade salsa, spinach artichoke dip bites (for the first time instead of hot dip in a bowl and they were really good!), stuffed mini goat cheese peppers (topped with a tiny bit of my homemade pickled red onions ), non traditional caprese salad (sugar bomb tomatoes and small fresh mozz balls in a bowl with pesto, evoo, a little balsamic and fresh basil), and a large charcuterie board with a variety of meats, cheese,  nuts, fruits, chocolates, olives, etc…

I made a pitcher of one of our favorite tiki drinks, the Navy Grogg, (not for timid drinkers) and had a fully stocked bar for anyone who wanted to make their own drinks.  The grogg is three different rums, fresh squeezed lime and grapefuit with honey syrup (easy to make!) and a splash of club soda served with a garnish of  fresh mint and lime.  My neighbor and dear friend brought homemade fresh lime margaritas and served them in her pretty pitcher complete with salt and sugar rim options and garnish.

Guests brought a variety of yummy treats from veggie pizzas and mac n cheese bites to chips and queso, fresh jalapeño  poppers and brownies.  My mom brought an absolutely delicious white cake with a hint of coffee buttercream frosting.  It was moist and creamy and divine!  She makes the best white cakes (I do the chocolate ones!).

How the night went

To put it simply, AMAZING!  It was an absolutely lovely night.   An eclectic group of ladies from all over pulled together with me as the common connection and it worked out beautifully.  The volume was loud, the drinks were flowing, lots of snacking and most importantly everyone making new friends and having wonderful conversations all around.  To assist with everyone getting to know each other one of my friends asked if she could get everyone together for a few minutes and have each lady introduce herself and say how they each met me.  It was a wonderful idea that I never would have thought of.  We stood in a big circle in the kitchen island and went around the room.  They were all so sweet and said such nice things about how they met me and what I mean to them.  It was absolutely beautiful for me and the first time I have ever experienced anything quite like this.  I gave a little background on each friend as they introduced themselves to help them get to know each other.  The experience helped bring everyone together and put everyone more at ease for the rest of the night.  Highly recommend when the group is not all well acquainted but a small enough one.  We live in a town where most people (all of this group) has moved here from somewhere else.  There are little roots here and it tends to be hard for most of us to really connect as we have all given up the closest connections we had when we moved and left those we grew up and spent our early adult lives with behind.

Valuable Life Lessons Learned by Hosting my own birthday party


First:  Family Inclusion Makes It so much better.

Getting family involved with the preparations for an event, big meal, or holiday at the house makes a world of difference.  Having the kids, and husband if he’s around (mine is out of town a lot) involved means getting to spend valuable time with them.  Yes, sometimes, especially when they are little, it is easier to just do it on your own.  It saves time and mess and if you’re anything like me it means you know it will be done “right”, or how you want it.  I have tended to push everyone out of the kitchen and get into my own world, but tend also to stress and end up rushing trying to get everything done alone.  This time I knew I didn’t want my day spent stressing or rushing and when I knew my time was going to start running short I called in the boys to help.  It was awesome.  Not only did I have company and help, I also got to show them how to do a couple more things in the kitchen that will come in handy in the future.  So…win win.  Help for me, life learning for them and we got to spend time together that made everyone feel good, useful and connected.  My son popped back in later with his friends to say hello and the photos of this are probably my favorite of the night.

Mom and son.

Second:  Receiving Teaches Giving.

I have realized that, because I am somewhat uncomfortable with receiving praise and complements myself, as it makes me feel slightly awkward, I often don’t give enough praise or compliments to others. This is a mistake.  Just because I am somewhat uncomfortable with this doesn’t mean that we don’t need a little bit of it.  We all need to feel that we have people in our lives who appreciate us.  No, not the need to have friends tell us how wonderful we are, but just simple genuine love shown our way at times to make us feel appreciated and connected with those important to us.  In receiving such lovely and kind words and simply having friends choose to spend their free time celebrating with me, these friends of mine have inspired me to strive to do this more for the people in my life.  While I would consider myself a good friend who listens, is supportive when needed and tries to do sweet things for my friends, I have never been a huge compliment giver or one to step outside my comfort zone much to make sure they feel as valued as they should.

I have set a goal for this next year of my life to show genuine gratitude and love for my friends as I lift them up more with kindness, inclusion, complements and support.  I want them each to feel valued.  They all do so much for everyone in their lives and need light on them sometimes too.

 

Third:  Girlfriends are Vital for us.

The more life I live as I raise my children and begin taking on a different role with my parents as they are getting older, the more I realize how important it is for us to have support outside of our family…meaningful friendships.  I have always been very particular about whom I spend my time with, especially as I have gotten older and been in my own world with my little family.  Life keeps us so busy.  If I am going to take precious time away from my family being together I want it to still be meaningful in some way and with people whom I genuinely enjoy time with.  I admit that I have not been the best with this, preferring usually to take advantage of rare free time alone getting something done at home or just simply enjoying the peace and quiet with a glass of wine and some good music.  I have been trying to make more of an effort to say yes and put myself out there and am finding that it does a lot of good.

We need friends.  They are good for our souls.  It is vital for our mental health to have meaningful connections.  I don’t realize how much I need these connections until I have a night like this party and feel the impact that it has on me.  I may always need more time alone because that is just who I am and that is ok.  I have learned though that these times spent with friends, whether in light fun or deep conversations when they need support, is so necessary and meaningful.  To not only feel needed and wanted oneself, but to realize in these shared moments with others that we need and want the companionship when we may have denied this for ourselves is beautiful.

Girls night in.

Fourth:  Lift others up every chance you can.

I am in this strange middle place in life right now, between raising young children and having them gone in just a few short years to find myself on my own again after spending most of my adult life never alone.  In this strange middle ground, as I call it, I struggle to maintain who I have always strived to be while at the same time opening myself to a whole new me realizing that my personal growth not only must continue, but will soon have plenty of time to go further than I ever have before.  We plan our whole very short early adult life on making the important things happen: getting our education, beginning a career, finding a partner, having kids, growing our home, and all the other things that life requires of us along the ay.  We live a good chunk of it actually doing all of that, but then realize somewhere in the process there is still so much to come.  What next?

What does this have to do with my party?  Somewhere in that process of living the life we planned and working so hard to make it all a reality we tend to lose sight of some of the important elements of ourself.  The things we were striving to maintain, the parts of ourselves that we always felt were so important.  These are some of the tiny intricate puzzle pieces I wrote about in my Welcome Post.  The elements we identify ourselves with that need no label.  Spending the evening surrounded by these beautiful ladies who genuinely seem to care about me and appreciate my large or small role in their life reminded me of one of these elements of myself that I always strived to maintain but fear I have let slip a bit over these busy years.

If I have tried to teach anything to my children beyond simply to be good humans and do the right thing, I have always shared the importance of lifting others up.   I believe that we always need to lift others up. It helps our own light shine when we shine it on others. I think one of the biggest negative emotions we humans have is guilt. I’m realizing that I feel negative emotion, as in a little bit guilty, when I don’t feel that I have shone light out onto others. I teach my children that they should lift someone else up every day of their life. I have repeated this life lesson more than most. Be the person who lifts others up. You never want to be the person who is negative, talks bad about others, treats others negatively. You don’t want to have a negative impact on anyone.  Your efforts don’t need to be fake and shouldn’t be lies, but there is always a way to shine a little light on someone else, and lift them up even in a tiny way.

We rise by lifting others.

I’m realizing how important this is as I reflect on myself.  Whether we admit it or not, when someone else shines a little light on us this gives us just enough encouragement to let our own light shine a little bit brighter onto others. It is a chain reaction, a ripple.  At this stage in my life I am trying to raise other humans to be good people and teach them all the things in life, and am realizing that I cannot possibly do this, teach them all the things in life.  Hopefully, at the very least I can teach them to be good humans try to lead by example on this.  However, I am realizing that I criticize too much. I have high expectations. Sometimes we just need to let it all go and let those around us, especially those closest to us, let their own light shine in their own way, and I emphasize in their own way  because for everyone that means something a  little bit different.  It may not fit exactly in line with what we want of them, but let them shine their own light. Be their own character.  

In shining light on others it encourages them to shine their own light out.  In our house we call this “leaving a positive wake”.  My husband and I teach our boys to always strive to leave a positive wake as they go through life.  Lift others up.  Never tear anyone down.

So, I am setting a new goal to be better at this myself. I want to lift others up. I want to make other people feel good regardless of any expectation I may have of them. Life is too short and precious.   I haven’t been shining my own light out onto others enough and it has always been my greatest goal to do that.  This extends far beyond my own husband and children and my own parents and siblings. I want to be better at lifting others up, complementing them on the little things more, letting them know that they are important to me and to others, reassuring them know that they are enough and doing enough and being enough. I think we all go through life, or most of us anyway, especially caregivers, thinking that we are failing. Failing someone. Failing ourselves. Failing our kids. Failing our parents.  If we can be a person that goes through life helping others to not feel like they are failing, even if just in the moment or just in that day they get to feel better, why not do that for everyone we possibly can? 

I am setting a goal for this new year of my life to do this. I encourage everyone to set this goal.  If we all shine our light out  a little bit more and lift others up think of how much brighter life will be for everyone.

Light it up with me!  Who will commit to this with me? Positive shines bright.  Leave a positive wake!  Comment below or send me a quick email to let me know if you’re with me!  What are you doing to lift others?  How has someone done this for you?

About Daydreams & Ponderings

A lifestyle blog that goes deeper.  A space for us to come together to share life experiences, thoughts, dreams, and maybe some ramblings. 

Posts on family & relationships, personal  health & wellness, travel, beauty, food & cocktails and all of our daydreams and ponderings.

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